Losing It
by sheepskin
Summary: Lilly thinks she's in control of Drake Merwin, perfectly aware of the effect her beautiful body has on him. She ignores the warnings, ignores her instincts, but if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt. And there's no denying the boy can leave a scar.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: A new one! This is going to be ALOT different from my other Gone fics, and I'm so excited for it! The chapters are going to be pretty short but you won't have to wait ages for them don't worry! I just think this kind of layout suits the fic theme and suchhh. Also, the quotes at the beginning are always going to be very relevant. This one is from Die Another Day by Madonna. woooo, please review etc love you all! xo**

* * *

'_I'm gonna' keep this secret, I'm gonna' close my body now.'_

* * *

'_Don't.' Dark hair stuck to wet cheeks and she shook her head. 'D – don't touch me.'_

_He kept walking though, his eyes full of such anger and fierceness that she had to close her own for fear of them burning right through her. She felt his fingers wrap around her jaw and tilt her head upwards with a gentleness that she was not used to from him. Around them the air was still but cold and in the distance she could hear the water from the lake lapping the shore. She shuddered._

* * *

Under the light from the window, they moved together in the bed, bodies pressed to each other and the friction causing only one kind of heat. Eyes closed, lips parted, her chest heaving against his as he pressed further into her, grinding his own body into hers. She moaned, her toes curling and his head dropped into the nook of her neck. His arms were shaking from holding himself up so long and he slipped onto his elbows, his hand finding her hair and tugging her lips closer to his own. Fingernails dug into his strong back and he winced, groaning against her sweat dotted skin. The moonlight cast over them and made their skin shine in a way that was almost inhuman. Her dark hair splayed out around her head like a halo and it caught underneath her arms as she threw them back, slender fingers wrapping around the bars of the bed as she arched beneath him and bit back a shriek. Above her, Drake tensed and swore under his breath as his movements got faster and she hung off of his shoulders, her entire body shaking. He released a loud grunt and then he stilled, still inside of her, staring down into her own glassed over eyes. They lay there for a moment, like that, until he slid out of her and rolled onto his back with a satisfied sigh.

Lilly sat up and tossed her hair over one shoulder. She leant over and started to slide her knickers back over her legs when his hand caught her upper arm and he turned her to face him. His brow furrowed. 'You're going?'

She pulled herself away and stood, feeling his eyes on her body. 'I've got work to do.'

He shrugged and looked away but that small annoyance she caught in his face made her smile. She was in control; she had him in the palm of her hand. Drake Merwin was hers.

* * *

'Lilly, this is dangerous.'

Brianna hurried alongside her friend, clutching a bundle of books to her chest and wearing that usual worried expression that she saved only for her conversations with the other girl.

Lilly rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, scanning the cafeteria for somewhere to sit. 'What's he going to do?' She finally answered as they slid into seats by the windows. 'Kill me?'

'N-no but he'll _hurt_ you.' The smaller girl shook her head. 'He must know what you're doing, he's not an idiot. I bet he's got a plan right-,'

'Fuck off, Brianna.' Lilly snapped, tearing open yoghurt. 'It's just sex and he's just a guy. I've dealt with scarier people than _Drake Merwin_.'

Brianna bit her lip and glanced at the boy in question who was sat where _they _sat; Caine and Diana. He was lounging back in his chair, spinning a knife on the table and then his eyes caught her own gaze and she jumped. 'I don't know.' She hissed quietly. 'There's something different about him.'

Beneath her own cool exterior, beneath the witty comments and calm smirks, Lilly knew Brianna was right. There was something off about Drake and she should have stopped what she was doing there and then. She just couldn't help but crave the thrill it gave her. Drake was one of them, the people who walked through the hallways as if they owned them, people would fucking _hide _just so they wouldn't have to pass them. He was dangerous and there was something else, something deep within him that Lilly couldn't quite pinpoint, but the fact that she had managed to keep him coming back for more; it made her feel powerful.

They didn't talk outside of those Friday nights. They barely even glanced each other's way and that was how they both liked it. It had been a drunken agreement made at some end of term party a couple of months ago and Lilly had hardly expected it to be followed through but then one night Drake had appeared in her dorm room and that was how it had started. She had been surprised at first. She was hardly the hottest girl in the school, and Drake could have had anyone he wanted, really, but there something different about Lilly. It might have been the long dark hair that tumbled down her back or the way her grey eyes sometimes flashed silver in the right kind of light. Either way, though, she was the type of girl who knew she was pretty and would use it in any way she could to get what she wanted. The kind of girl you loved to hate.

* * *

'_You thought you were everything-,'_

'_No.'_

'_You thought I wanted you, you wanted to be everything.' Cold fingers caressed her face. 'Did you think I didn't know?'_

'_Please-,'_

'_Look at you now.' A laugh. 'You're_ nothing_.'_


	2. Chapter 2

'_I'm like the ringleader, I call the shots.'_

* * *

It was sweet, Drake thought, how she thought she was calling the shots and manipulating him. He wasn't stupid, far from it, and he knew just as well as the next person when he was being played. But he found a strange sort of satisfaction of letting her think she had the upper hand and the anticipation for the day when he would take it all away was almost too much to bear. She was a good fuck and any sane (or insane) boy wasn't going to turn down a willing girl, however there was something else about her that seemed to have almost got a hold on him. He hardly knew anything about her, hell, she hadn't even been at Coates a year and yet she had still managed to make a name for herself. Usually Caine knew everything about everyone at the school but when Drake had casually asked about Lilly, her file had seemingly 'disappeared'.

Whatever, it wasn't like he cared what crazy thing she had done to get herself sent here, he could easily top it. It was an obsession he had with her and he had quietly made sure that no one else touched her. She was _his_.

* * *

_She was on her knees and it was not the usual situation they would be in. Her head hung low, hair falling over her face and tears dripped down onto the sandy ground. Why was he still here, still hurting her? It had been a game, a game which she had lost and there was nothing worse than a sore loser. She wanted to scream and shout and make her anger be known but all she could do was vomit bile and choke back sobs. The words did not dare come up her throat._

_She was afraid._

_He moved in front of her, back and forth, pacing like an animal. She had tried to follow his movements but she had not the energy and her eyes fell back down to gaze at the blood stained ground. Where had that come from? Was she hurt, was she dying? Everything was distorted and wrong and this wasn't how it was meant to be._

* * *

There was a dance tonight. The headmistress liked to hold one every so often to 'encourage bonding' and 'bring the students together'. Lilly hated dances and she hated the headmistress. She had no reason to go had she not realised tonight was a Friday and it would be a perfect time to fuck with Drake's mind. Which was why she was lounging on Brianna's bed, helping the girl pick out a dress. Lilly was on her back, fiddling with the hem of her own dress, and waiting irritably for Brianna to finish dressing.

'This'll be fun, huh?' The younger girl grinned as she tugged on the dress. It was floor length, the silk coloured a deep midnight blue and it outlined the few curves the girl had managed to obtain in a flattering way. Lilly had helped her gather her hair into a bun and she looked years older than her age.

'I guess.' Lilly replied quietly. She stood and admired herself in the mirror. Her own dress was black, short, and tight. It clung to her skin and made her alabaster skin shine like ice. With eyes outlined in thick kohl and her own hair left to fall naturally, Lilly _knew_ she looked good. She smirked. 'Come on.'

She reached out, linking her arm with Brianna's and marching them out of the dorms and down into the main hall. The place had been decked out in fairy lights, the main lights left off so it twinkled and sparkled like wonderland. Students milled about in their expensive dresses with their expensive perfumes wafting through the air and their diamonds shining around their necks. Brianna flashed Lilly a toothy smile before disappearing to greet her other friends and Lilly was left to wind her way through the crowd. She could feel the eyes on her and she smiled as she picked up a glass of punch, sipping on it delicately. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Caine and Diana standing close together, Caine whispering something in Diana's ear which was making the girl's frown deepen.

Hands gripped her waist and Lilly's lips parted in a gasp. 'Miss me?' Lips were ghosting her neck but she brushed him away.

'Bit early, aren't we, Drake?' She murmured, her eyes scanning the dancefloor.

'Never bothered you before.' His hands went to catch her again but she darted away deftly and flashed him a smirk.

She raised her glass to him. 'I've got other people on my mind,' she whispered, blowing him a kiss, and sauntering away. He was still watching her when she placed herself into the arms of another boy, whispering something into his ear and his grin widened as he pressed himself against her.

He watched her go, his eyes burning holes into the back of her dress. Beside him, Diana was smiling all too sweetly. 'Your little toy seems to be playing the game better than you, Merwin.' She remarked smoothly.

'Not for long.' He snarled back.

* * *

_He had a knife, the one from before, and it was on her neck and she was leant back into his hand. Her eyes were wide and her chest heaving and she was pretty sure that look in his eyes meant death. He was smiling and he was so close she could hear his heart beating. A steady, thump, thump._

'_Where are your smart comments now, Lilly?' His lips were brushing her ear and a shiver ran down her spine. She turned her head, feeling the blade graze against her skin dangerously, and then she spat at him._

_The sliver of saliva was tainted red and as it slid down his face he stared at her calmly for a few moments before slowly brushing it off with the back of his hand. _

'_Wrong answer.'_


	3. Chapter 3

'_As we dance with the devil tonight, don't you dare look at him in the eye.'_

* * *

The sex had always been rough. Drake wasn't one to hold back and Lilly only just managed to keep up with him sometimes. Never the less, he had never actually_ hurt_ her before, and that was how she realised things were significantly more different than usual that night.

She was shoved into the room, stumbling as the back of her legs hit the bed and before she could right herself, he was on her. His fingers caught the bottom of her dress and it was tugged over her head, discarded in a heap in the corner. Lilly's own hands made for his belt but he flashed a smirk and grabbed her wrists. She was thrown onto the bed, her arms pinned above her head by one of his strong hands, the other carefully removing his clothes. Her whole body was tense, chest moving up and down at an unimaginable rate. What was he doing? This didn't seem right. He leant over her, his lips on her neck and as his free hand roamed her body, his teeth bit down into her flesh and she cried out, arching against him. He didn't stop, didn't even give her a warning before he jerked his hips and thrust himself inside of her and she bit back a scream, tears pricked the back of her eyes and Lilly wasn't sure how much more she could take.

'Drake!' She suddenly cried out and he stopped, leaning back and staring down at her.

He raised his eyebrows. 'What?' He snapped and then dropped back down, both hands landing on either side of her head. His face was inches from hers and she gasped as he gently kissed her lips. 'Is it too much for you?' He sneered. He reached behind him and then, quite suddenly, he was holding a switchblade.

For the first time he saw fear enter her eyes.

* * *

_She was crying again. It wasn't the beautiful kind of crying you saw in films, either. Tears mixed with snot and saliva and the whole mixture coated the bottom half of her face and slid down onto her clothes. She sniffed pathetically and made a half-hearted attempt to wipe her face but what was the point? Her body was littered with bruises, cuts, scratches that ran deeper than the surface of her skin. She could feel him watching her, his lip curled in disgust. She used to be pretty, she could barely remember now, but she used to be able to hold her head high._

_Her eyes used to shine._

* * *

'Lilly what's wrong with your wrists?'

Quickly sleeves were tugged down over the skin and Lilly glanced up into the worried eyes of Brianna, a shaky smile gracing her pretty face. 'Nothing.' She turned back to her Algebra. 'Have you got the answer to number three?' She could feel Brianna's eyes on her and she bit her lip, closing her eyes.

'It was him, wasn't it?' The other girl shook her head. 'I _told_ you, Lils. This is going to far. He's hurting you.'

'It's nothing.' Lilly hissed.

Brianna suddenly did something very un-Brianna like, and grabbed Lilly's wrist. She tugged back the sleeve, revealing a ring of purple and black bruises shaped like prints of fingers. 'This isn't nothing! What else has he done? He hasn't hit you, has he?'

Lilly tugged her arm back and shoved the sleeve back down, glaring at her friend furiously. 'This has nothing to do with you.' She snapped. Her raised voice earned a few curious glances their way and she lowered her voice slightly. 'They're just bruises. They didn't even hurt-,'

'Lil-,'

'Don't you see? I can't let him win. I can't let him know he's hurt me, he's got me.'

'Stop treating it like a game! It's_ sick_.' Brianna spat the last word as if it were poison in her mouth.

Lilly scoffed, shoving her books into her bag. 'We're all sick, Bri, why do you think we've been sent here.'

* * *

Drake sat underneath a tree, flicking the blade back and forth. Open and close. It shone in the sun and seemed to match the glint in his eyes. He had dragged it through her skin, revelled in the way the creamy white had parted for him. The way the blood had stained such perfection. His tongue swiped over his lower lip. The sun went behind a cloud then and it took him a moment to realise that in fact it hadn't, only someone was stood over him. He glanced up and grinned.

'You've got to stop leaving marks.' She said and she was almost pleading.

He laughed. 'Do they bother you?'

'No.' She snapped. 'Someone saw them.'

He shrugged. 'So make something up.'

'It's not that easy, Drake.'

He leapt to his feet then and to his satisfaction she took a step back. 'Then work harder.' He growled.

* * *

_She should have listened to them. She felt like Eve who had eaten the apple, Edmund who had done it for Turk__ish Delight, Draco who wanted power. Why couldn't he just kill her and get it over with? She was ready now, ready to die, and every time she came that little bit closer he would drag her back into the light and laugh in her face. She wanted to kill him. She hated him._

_Hate, hate, hate._


	4. Chapter 4

_'Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving.'_

* * *

A constant struggle for psychological one-upmanship is the correct term for mind games. Brianna was right, what they were doing was sick and it hadn't started out that way at all. At first it was just sex, simple and quick and there were no words. But now things had changed and although Lilly would never admit it, she did a sliver of doubt lingering in the back of her mind. Since he had taken the knife to her skin she hadn't spoken to him, looked at him and had tried her very hardest to avoid thinking about him. The last one was the worst. At least during the day she could keep away from him. They only had one class together and even in that they sat on opposite sides of the room.

But at night he came to her. He invaded her dreams with his shark-like smile and his chilling laugh. She would toss and turn and shriek into her pillow but no amount of fighting it could keep him away.

Was it wrong to say she enjoyed it? Enjoyed playing him and trying to figure out his next move. They were like chess pieces on a board, both trying to outdo the other.

* * *

_Why do people hurt others so often and so eagerly? Maybe they're afraid of being forgotten, being lost to the world so they lose themselves in their own emotions. They lash out at the only thing they can in a bid to make it stay, in a bid to be remembered._

_She had no desire to be remembered. She had no want for people to reminisce about her. Would Brianna even recall her face? The young girl had changed, had grown so much older than her years and become someone else, someone she should have become but instead she was there._

_Alone._

* * *

Most waited all week for Friday to come around. On Thursday you could feel the anticipation in the cafeteria, the sudden rise in excitement as people realised what tomorrow was and what it would bring. Lilly had felt sick all week but now the day was looming, she felt strong. She could do it. It was _her_ game, after all, she had created it and she had laid out the rules. She wasn't going to let him take the power away from her. She didn't care what he did. Absently, her fingers drifted underneath her top and traced over the large cut on her stomach. It had scabbed over and the redness had died down so now it just looked like a scratch made from a cat.

Morning came quicker than expected and it was going to be one of those days that would fly by without anyone realising. Lilly found solace in knowing she had no classes with Brianna. The girl had dropped the painful subject of Drake but she couldn't help sending Lilly worried glances every now and then. Lilly didn't want her pity. She wanted revenge.

* * *

_Once she woke to people talking. They sounded so close and so loud and she had crept to the wall, pressing her ear against it until it was almost painful._

'_He's not here.'_

'_-be back soon.'_

'_We should-,'_

_And then they had faded away. She had screamed and shouted and banged her fists against the wall until they bled. But her mouth was so dry and her throat felt like it had been stuffed with cotton wool. How could they not hear her? _

_I'm here!_

_Help me._

* * *

She slid the red lace over pale thighs, slowly fastening a black pleated skirt over the top. A matching bra encased her breasts, pushing them up so they pressed against her shirt. It was the same time every night. Sometimes she would go to his room but most of the time Caine and Diana would be in there and although they knew of her, she didn't fancy sitting down for a chat with them any time soon. So Drake came to her room. One glance at him and her roommate would hurry away to the library for a couple of hours. She was a small girl, mousey, she wouldn't say anything.

He was late so by the time he sauntered in Lilly was almost a nervous wreck. She bit back a sarcastic comment, a smirk, and just stared at him silently. He raised an eyebrow and paused, fiddling with an ornament on the desk. He was waiting for her to make the first move but this time she wouldn't.

She wouldn't do anything.

He kissed her and she stayed staring ahead. His fingers deftly undid the buttons of her blouse, his hand working against her breasts. Her body betrayed her but Lilly kept a straight face, stonily staring straight ahead.

'What the fucks wrong with you?' He finally snarled. He had pushed her back down onto the bed, his legs on either side of her thighs, his hips digging into her own. Lilly didn't reply and his eyes narrowed and then he smiled as he worked it out. 'Playing like that now, are we?' He murmured.

The now familiar click of the knife brought her to her senses and she tensed beneath him instinctively. He sneered and pressed the flat of the blade against her thigh, curving it around until he had managed to part her legs with a simple tough. She swallowed. He twisted the knife so the sharp side was pressing into her skin. It hurt like hell as he started to drag it through her flesh and she had to bite her tongue until it bled to avoid crying out. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her eyes were tightly shut but she didn't make a sound and she didn't move.

Suddenly he stopped and the weight was lifted from her legs. She hesitated, waiting for his next trick, and then she opened her eyes to find she was alone in the room. He had gone. She glanced down; blood was trickling down her inner thigh where he had left a fairly deep cut. But he had left and she had won.

* * *

**AN: Thank you so much for the reviews so far! Please keep reviewing because it always makes my day, woooo. I realise this fic is very violent and and a bit messed up but that's my mind so deal. **


	5. Chapter 5

'_I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name.'_

* * *

Lilly wasn't a sporty girl, hell, she hated even walking across campus to get somewhere. However Coates held physical activities high in their curriculum. They seemed to think it helped in letting the students release their inner emotions. Well, it worked for the angry ones, but the others were just left to stand around  
in a gym or trudge through the woods on some cross country run. Heavily supervised, _of course_.

To make matters worse, Coates didn't believe in separating genders because of the need to make everyone get along, even if they most certainly didn't. Fortunately, Lilly wasn't the only one standing and shivering in her shorts as the cold wind whipped around her legs. Why they were forcing them to stand outside, in the middle of a field, was beyond her. So when Diana came to stand next to her, she wasn't about to complain, even conversation with the shallow girl was better than this.

'Hey.'

'Hey.'

Lilly glanced sideways to find Diana smirking at her. The girl was maybe an inch or two taller so it almost seemed as if she was smirking down at her but she turned her head away and glanced back towards the school. 'What?' She asked and then was about to repeat it because it seemed as though her words had been lost to the wind.

Diana leaned closer though, so close that Lilly could see the hairs on her arms sticking up against the cold. The slight tremors of her slender body as she shivered. 'Some things happened to Drake.'

A frown creased across the smaller girl's forehead because the boy in question was across the field, currently slamming his body into another boy and sending them both flying to the ground. 'He's right there.' She snapped drily, suddenly deciding she didn't want to talk to this girl at all.

* * *

_She didn't know the time._

_Nor the date._

_Where even was she? It was so dark and no one was there, no one would come for her. How could she not have realised that by now? Some days she would just sit and stare at the wall, listen to the steady drip of the water from the pipes, and the occasional scratching of a rat from outside. They never came inside. Were they afraid, too?_

_She screamed once. She shouted and shrieked and she lost herself inside that room. It wasn't like she hadn't done it before, of course she had. She had practically ripped her throat hoarse from shouting. Especially in the beginning. Definitely in the beginning._

_But this time she needed someone. She craved someone, anyone, to talk to. Anyone but him and his poisoning words and his scalding touch. She hit the walls until her fists bled and she shouted until finally someone answered. _

* * *

Diana didn't get the hint. Or maybe she did and was choosing to ignore it. Either way she followed Lilly back to the changing rooms and purposely moved her stuff to beside her. What did she want?

'What do you want?'

She smiled. 'I want to talk to you.' Lilly gave her a look then and Diana sighed, sitting down heavily onto the bench. 'I know you're fucking him.'

'I'm not-,'

'Don't play dumb with me. It's not going to turn out well for you.' She started to pick at her fingernails. 'I want you to know that this conversation doesn't mean I _care _about your or anything, I'm not even worried about your safety. And any sane person would be considering what you're doing.'

Lilly raised an eyebrow. 'I don't have time for a lecture from you of all people.'

Diana stood and was suddenly inches from Lilly's face, both staring into each other's eyes. 'You've pissed Drake off,' she hissed, 'and I don't mean just his normal violent streaks, I mean he's fucking furious. If you're not scared then you're an idiot.'

'You're not scared of him.' Lilly murmured.

Her jaw clenched. 'It's complicated.'

It was Lilly's turn to smirk. 'Because you've got Caine to take care of you, right? I'm not afraid of Drake. I've been doing this long enough. So just stay away from me, okay?'

She gathered up her bags and walked out, leaving Diana shaking her pretty little head.

* * *

_They were right outside. She pressed her ear against the door and bit back a whimper. It was His voice, harsh and rough, and then someone from a memory. She knew them, if only she could remember._

'_I'm not scared of you, Drake.'_

_The girl. Diana. A pretty face flitted in her mind but she couldn't remember, not really, it kept fading. It was blurred. She pressed her fist against the door, unable to gather the energy to beat upon it again. Dry lips parted and she croaked out barely a whisper._

'_She's in there, isn't she – this is sick, let her out, it's _wrong_.'_

'_It's none of your goddamn business. Go run off back to Caine, will you?'_

'_I'll tell him what this is.'_

_He laughed. _

'_You think he doesn't know?'_

* * *

**AN: Had the most wonderful review the other day, thank you so much for it whoever you are! You're a saint. I was considering giving up on this fic, wondering if it was too dark or whatever, but I adore it so I'm going to continue. Hope this chapter was okay, sorry nothing much happens. xo**


	6. Chapter 6

**for kat.**

'_A kiss with a fist is better than none.'_

* * *

Lilly knew of how it started. How this sickening, hurtful, game began but she hadn't a thought to how it would end. Of course, she had considered it for maybe a minute or two, a mere moment when sat in class or in the shower – but she would never let her thoughts drift so far into the darkness of it that she could become obsessed or frightened.

Sometimes she liked to imagine that what they did was a good thing and to be wanted, if only a little or only for one thing, was better than to be completely discarded and unnoticed. Although Lilly wasn't an ugly girl; she had been asked on dates she had just refused them. She couldn't begin to imagine what Drake would do if he knew she had a boyfriend. Would he do anything? Would he even care? Or would he just move onto his next victim?

When the 'poof' happened, he was in her room. He was on top of her and he was laughing. She was screaming and sobbing and her nails were scratching at his bare chest and he _wouldn't stop laughing. _

The night before had been perfectly normal. It wasn't a Friday, so she didn't have anything to worry about. In fact, Lilly hadn't seen Drake almost all week, or either of Caine or Diana. Maybe she should have seen it coming. The three had been acting weird for a while, all of the students could see it, and rumours had been spreading. But Lilly was too caught up in her own problems to pay attention to anyone else.

* * *

She was painting her nails, a dark shade of crimson, carefully brushing the smooth polished surface before dipping the brush back into the bottle and then lifting it out and marvelling at the way the paint dripped like a blood. Her roommate had already gone to her early morning class and she had put on her music, a rare treat, to have the room to herself so early and she sighed happily. Then, as the music faded between tracks, she could distinctly hear the cries and shouts from downstairs.

She paused.

Silence descended and she quirked an eyebrow. Suddenly the heavy beat of the next song broke the silence and she jumped with a shriek. The bottle of polish slipped from the bed covers and spilled all over the floor, the red liquid pumping out like blood from a wound. Lilly stared at it and then darted around it gingerly and turned the stereo off. Going outside of her room in a t-shirt and underwear wasn't the best idea but she couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.

'They've gone!' A girl shrieked as she suddenly started to sprint down the corridor.

Lilly stared at her. 'Who? Who's gone?' She asked but the girl just kept running. She rounded a corner and then let a blood-curdling scream and then…silence.

The brunette couldn't begin to even guess what was going on and she leant further out of her door; daring herself to leave her room. And then Drake rounded the corner, striding towards her purposely. He glanced up and then he smirked as he caught her eye. Lilly's stomach dropped. Her eyes flickered down to the gun swinging from his fingers. He held it so coolly, such a confident air about him as he walked almost lazily towards her. She released the door and took a step back, like a deer caught in headlights.

'Don't-,' he started but she was already running.

He swore and then she heard his feet pound the corridor as he broke into a sprint. She bolted to the end and slid around the corner, slamming into the fire exit. Her palms slammed against the metal bar and it flew open. A rush of hot air hit her from outside and she leant over the railing of the metal stairs. Below her she could see people milling about in the car park, school cars pulled up and then, stood on top of one of the cars was Caine, and he was doing something his hands.

Before Lilly could work out just what the fuck was going on, a hand was grabbing a hold of her hair and she was being dragged backwards. She shrieked and her fingers wrapped around his wrist. He didn't even seem to notice as her nails dug into his wrist, streaking the skin there red with not quite dry nail polish.

He swung her round and slammed her up against the wall. Lilly writhed in his hold, crying out and gasping for air when suddenly the cold barrel of the gun was against the side of her head and she stilled. Her eyes were wide and staring into his. She didn't even dare breathe. He was observing her with such a calculated, _bored_, expression and it wasn't the first time she wondered what he was thinking.

'Do you know what's happened?' He murmured. His lips were inches from her own. His breath ghosting her face.

'No.' She whispered. He pushed her back and then she found herself tumbling back into a room. It wasn't her own but Drake obviously didn't care as he kicked the door shut. Lilly scrambled back onto the bed and shook her head. Her teeth tore at her lip and tears were welling up in her eyes. He was stalking towards her with an almost predatory expression and he gently placed the gun down onto the table, looking from it to her. 'Go fuck yourself.' She snarled suddenly.

He smirked. 'Why would I do that when I have you?' He said softly.

And then he was on top of her. His hands tore at her underwear and she arched her back, scraping her nails down his chest. She slapped and hit at him, once catching him on his jaw. He growled in anger and grabbed her flailing wrists with his one strong hand, pinning her down to the bed easily. This wasn't a game anymore though, afterwards she wouldn't be left to go to sleep and get on with life. If it went too far, he wouldn't stop.

'Stop, stop, please, don't.' She moaned as she heard him unzip his jeans.

He pressed himself against her and she cried out, turning her head into the pillow and sobbing into the cotton. He was laughing now as he looked down at her and then he jerked his hips and he was tearing into her and she screamed then. The shout burned her throat and echoed down the corridor and she didn't stop until he slapped her hard across her face. He slammed into her and with each thrust his smirk grew. One arm was holding him up, the other leaving bruising marks on her wrists and she sobbed softly, closing her eyes tight shut to what was happening above her.

She flew away.

She escaped into the very depths of her mind. Staring at the wall, staring at the dry polish on his wrist.

Was he laughing?


	7. Chapter 7

'_This used to be a funhouse, but now it's full of evil clowns.'_

* * *

Lilly slept on her side, facing the wall. Eventually he had stopped after what seemed like an excruciatingly long time and he had rolled off of her, falling asleep almost instantly. They rarely slept together afterwards and it seemed even stranger that he would now after what had happened. Perhaps it was a way of him proving that she was well and truly his now, or when he woke he was going to leave her alone forever and this was a sort of ending to it all. Lilly found herself not knowing which she wanted to be true.

She fell asleep to the sound of his steady breathing. When he had drifted off and she hadn't, she wondered what would happen if she got up and took his gun from the side. Would she kill him or herself?

When she woke, the room was empty and the place beside her cold. The gun was gone, the door closed, the building silent. It was like the night before hadn't even happened at all. But then she sat up and there was a burning between her legs, black and blue bruises around her wrists and on the floor was the dark red stain of the nail varnish. Getting out of the bed was a shaky affair but after two attempts she managed it, grabbing some sweats and tank top before venturing out into the corridor.

Silence had descended over the entire school. It was as if it were the middle of the night, but outside the sun was only just starting to go down. Soon it would be dark and Lilly definitely didn't want to be here when that happened. What had happened _already_ though? She could barely remember a thing from the morning but where had Drake gotten a gun? And she could remember someone saying they had gone, but who had gone?

* * *

_She had started with clothes. She had run and fought and hid with clothes. But now only shreds of the original material were left to cover her dignity. Either had had torn them in a bid for easy access, or she had done it herself to wrap around various wounds that had been gained from fighting. She wasn't a fighting kind of girl. Not anymore. She wanted to die._

_The voices had left although there was a promise there of the girl coming back. Later, she could hear Drake just outside the door, his heavy breaths, and she had pressed herself into the corner and prayed to whatever God was watching over their fucked over town._

* * *

Hesitantly, she would round corners and tiptoe down corridors, all the time wishing she had a gun or even a bat to protect herself with. As she got further towards the main entrance, the voices got louder and she paused, trying to figure out who was who and where they were coming from.

'How many more?' That was Caine. He was shouting and he sounded irritated.

'Last ones, be fucking patient.'

His voice was easily recognisable and after he spoke there came the sound of someone crying out and Lilly bit her lip, closing her eyes. She could go back upstairs and head out of the fire exit. She would easily be able to slip away down to Perdido Beach.

_What about Brianna?_

Lilly ignored the inner voice. She had never been one to think of others, always looking out for herself was her number one priority and if leaving Brianna would guarantee her safety, she would sure as well do it. It wasn't as if Brianna was the one seriously involved with a psychopath. Brianna would be safe, she'd be fine, Caine and the others had no reason to hurt her.

So she darted back up the stairs and sprinted down the corridors. She stopped for a brief moment in her room to pull on hoodie and tie her hair before she made for the fire exit. The black metal stairs looked out over the car park but after a few steps they twisted round the side of the building and onto the grass on the other side, almost immediately allowing her to disappear into the woods.

She stepped out and then crouched; tense, as she was allowed her first look out onto what was actually happening below. People were milling about everywhere, kids, no teachers and Lilly frowned. Were the teachers allowing this? What was happening? And then she realised. _There were no teachers. _

That was when Lilly knew something was wrong. Something grew in the pit of her stomach and she almost felt the need to throw up. She turned and pressed her hand over her mouth as she darted down the side of the steps. That last fleeting glance behind her before she escaped was to be her fatal one.

* * *

_The door opened with a quiet click and her God had failed her. He approached out of wherever the fuck the outside was. His body was shadowed but she caught the malicious glint in his eyes. She groaned and scrambled to the other side of the room, coughing and sobbing at the same time but he grabbed a handful of her hair and wrenched her up. It had been a while since she had actually stood on her own two legs and she cried out as they straightened and they shook as she was forced to stand straight and put all of her weight upon them. She shivered violently under his touch and kept her gaze lowered, her bottom lip trembling terribly. _

'_It's been a while.' He murmured, his breath washed over her face and she shook her head, choking back a sob. 'What's wrong? Lost your tongue?'_

'_L- let me go.' She whispered and her voice was a harsh croak._

_Without warning his fist slammed into her stomach and she was falling. She hit the ground with a heavy thud and her stomach rolled from the sudden attack. Without any time to stop it, she was spitting bile and vomit onto the floor, spewing up the meagre contents of her stomach. It dribbled down her chin and she shook as she held herself up._

_Drake stared at her in disgust. 'You're fucking pathetic.' He snarled._

* * *

As she turned she saw the wide frightened eyes of someone she wished she could never see again. This was the look that was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. The look of pure and unhinged desperation as Brianna parted her lips. Lilly knew what was going to happen and she knew she couldn't stop it. She couldn't send some unknown signal to Brianna, she couldn't save the poor girl. She was slumped over a concrete block and Lily didn't realise why until she saw, with horror, her hands were actually sealed into the block of stone.

'Oh, oh God no.' She whispered.

'Help me.' Brianna was saying. At first a small voice but then she started to shout and scream. 'Lilly!' She shrieked. 'Please, help me!'

It was enough for Drake to whip his head round, gun in hand. He spotted Lilly instantly and the look of a predator came across his face as he grinned. A new form of entertainment for him. Why had he left her in the bed? Why hadn't he done _her_ hands? But there was no time for Lilly to even think about that because now he was running and she turned and sprinted into the woods and she should have realised then, her whole life was about to be decided on who won the chase.


	8. Chapter 8

_'We only said goodbye with words.'_

* * *

_The grim reality was that she was used to fluids seeping down her legs; staining her clothes and drying on her skin. Sometimes it would form a tiny puddle on the ground and when she found it inside of her to lift herself up off of her back; she would drag herself across the cold concrete and curl into a ball beside the wall._

_As she moved herself this time though, it followed her, a thick red stain that trailed behind her. She choked out a sob and shook her head. It was inevitable. But even so, why now? Why couldn't something, for once, go her way?_

* * *

Her lungs screamed.

Her blood burned in her veins.

The ground ripped at her feet, branches scratched her cheeks; yet still she ran. She bounded through the undergrowth like a deer from a lion. And yet maybe that was exactly what she was. For behind her Drake chased eagerly, his sandy hair plastered to his forehead with sweat as he grinned manically, shark like teeth gleaming. The gun was held tightly in his hand and as he gained on her, watched her trip and stumble, he raised it and fired a clear shot into a tree trunk beside her. Lilly shrieked and darted sideways, her arm grazing a large boulder and her toes curling underneath an upturned root.

The fall felt slow and clumsy as she tried desperately to scrabble at trees around her. Her fingers caught a branch but the thorns had her and her fingernail was ripped away. Lilly howled, clutching her bleeding hand to her chest. She rolled onto her back and sat up, kicking at the ground with her heels in an attempt to escape. Drake's shadow loomed over her and he laughed breathlessly. He leant over, hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

'Go.' She breathed through her tears.

He shook his head as he straightened up. 'No, no, little girl,' he laughed, 'you're coming with me.'

This was her game. Her rules. But it was spiralling out of control before her eyes and all she could do was shake her head. She stood, clutching her hand to her chest, the blood staining through her t-shirt and seeping against her skin. 'It's over, Drake, this whole thing is fucked.' She spat. 'What have you _done_?'

'Me?' He stepped towards her. 'This wasn't me. This was something much, much bigger. Something brilliant.'

'Brianna-,'

His face contorted into an ugly sneer and he laughed almost angrily. 'So you've finally found a conscience? Don't act like you care about that little bitch. Let's go.' He stepped closer, so close that she could feel his breath on her face.

Lilly tipped her chin up and that same cool expression fell over her face. 'I'm not going anywhere with you.' She spat and then she raised her leg and slammed her knee into his crotch so hard that he fell to the ground with an angry cry.

She ran.

* * *

_Something was happening. Explosions, fire, guns._

_Voices._

_Her eyes opened slowly and light hit them painfully. She cried out and pressed her cheek into the stone wall. _

_Don't hurt me. Don't touch me._

_A hand took her arm._

_Not again._

_No more._

* * *

Even dressed in bloodstained sweatpants and in a time of national crisis; they still stared at her. Drake hadn't caught up with her or he hadn't bothered, either way Lilly found herself alone in the Perdido Beach mall. Kids milled about, unsure but excited. They didn't know what was coming. She chewed on her lip and looked for some sort of authority – there was no one.

And then, 'hey.'

She turned and found herself faced with an impossibly pretty face. The blonde girl smiled but with furrowed eyebrows. Lilly crossed her arms over her chest. 'Hi.' The cocky smirk returned. 'Take me to your leader.'


End file.
